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I know I am a loser. I am going to write that down first so I do not have to dance around it. I am 38 years old. I have a wife. I have a son. I have a good job. I make $145,000 a year. I have lost about $90,000 trading crypto in the last three years. About $20,000 of that came out of my son's college account in 2024. I did not tell my wife. She still does not know. I am writing this on a Tuesday night in our basement at 11 PM. I am writing it because my son came home from school today with a worksheet that said "what does your parent do?" and he had written down that I work on computers. He had drawn a picture of me at a desk. My wife showed it to me at dinner. She said it was so cute. She said our son is so proud of me. I smiled. I went to the basement after dinner. I have been down here for two hours. I do not work on computers the way my son thinks I work on computers. I work on a computer. I have been working on the same computer for a different reason for three years. My son does not know that. My wife does not know about half of it. Look. I want to write this down honestly because I am tired. I have been tired for a long time. I started in 2022. A guy from work. I put in $5K. I made $30K. I thought I was smart. I doubled down. By Christmas I was at zero. I have been adding money since trying to make it back. Savings. Emergency fund. My son's college account. The college account is the part I cannot stop thinking about tonight. He is 7. We have been putting money in since he was born. I took $20,000 out in January 2024. I told my wife I was moving it to a different account. She believed me. She is going to find out eventually because she checks the statements once a year around tax time. She will find out by April. I am 38. I am a grown man with a stable job and a kid and a wife who has done nothing wrong and I stole money from my son's college account to put on a leveraged Ethereum trade. I want to type that sentence out and let it sit there for a minute. I closed everything in November. I have not made a trade since. I check the charts about 150 times a day. I am not in the market. I just look. I checked it three times while I was reading my son's worksheet. I checked it walking back into the kitchen. I am going to check it about four more times before I finish writing this. The not-trading is not the same as not-being-addicted. I know that now. I thought closing the positions would be the end of it. I was a fucking idiot. The trading was the symptom. Whatever is wrong with me is the thing that has me reaching for my phone right now. I have been reaching for my phone for things that do not exist. The price has not moved in twenty minutes. I keep looking anyway. My wife found a thing through her therapist a few months ago. Some body work thing. Five minutes a day. She said it had helped her with her anxiety. I had ignored it because I had been focused on trying to recover what I had lost. I am not going to lie to you, two weeks ago after I read an article about other guys with the same thing I have, I downloaded what she had been doing. It is called Liven. I have been doing it for fifteen days. I am not going to tell you it has fixed me. I checked the price ninety-something times today. Last month it was probably 250. So something is going down. I do not know if it is the app or the writing or the fact that I am scared in a way I have not been scared before. Here is what I am scared of. I am scared that my wife is going to leave me when she finds out about the college account. I am scared she should leave me. I am scared that my son is going to grow up and find out that the dad in the picture on the worksheet was not the dad he had. I am scared that I am going to convince myself one more time that I just need one more trade to make it back. I am scared because I know how convincing that voice is. I have listened to it for three years. I am scared that I am going to fuck up my entire life over a chart that goes up and down and means nothing. I am 38. I have a son who thinks I work on computers. I have a wife who is asleep upstairs and trusts me. I have a chart open in another tab right now that I am going to check again in about ninety seconds whether I want to or not. I do not know what comes next. I am going to tell my wife about the college account. I do not know when. Before April. That is the only commitment I am making tonight. Link is below. I am not pitching it. I am writing the name down for me. So I have to see it tomorrow.