Sarah Sowell Facebook ad: “I can't tell you the last time my wife wanted me.”

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I can't tell you the last time my wife wanted me. That's the part that scares me. My oldest friend — guy I've known since college — said his marriage almost ended the same way. I can't tell you the last time my wife wanted me. And I mean that literally. I've tried to remember. Late at night, when she's asleep on her side of the bed and I'm staring at the ceiling, I've actually tried to pin down the last time. Was it that trip to the lake? No, that was before my knee surgery, and that was four years ago. Was it her birthday two years ago? No. I remember that night. I reached over and she patted my hand and rolled over. I can't find it. Somewhere in the last five or six years, there was a last time my wife reached back for me, and I didn't know it was the last time, so I didn't pay attention, and now it's just gone. And that's the part that scares me. Not that it's been a while. That I can't even find the end of it. I'm 58. I've been married to my wife for 29 years. And I have spent the last several of those years quietly wondering if my marriage was already over and nobody had told me yet. Let me tell you what it actually looks like. Because I don't think most men say this part out loud. It's not fighting. I almost wish it were fighting. Fighting means there's still a fire somewhere. It's quieter than that. It's reaching over at night and feeling her go still. Not pulling away exactly. Just — still. Waiting for it to be over before it starts. It's the kiss on the cheek instead of the mouth. It's her saying "I'm exhausted" before I've even asked anything, just putting it out there early, like she's heading me off. It's me lying there doing the math on how long it's been, and then feeling pathetic for doing the math, and then rolling over and pretending to be asleep so she doesn't have to feel bad. That's the part nobody tells you about. You start managing it. You start protecting her from the fact that you still want her, because you can see that your wanting her has started to feel like pressure to her, and the last thing you want is to be one more thing on her plate. So you stop reaching. You tell yourself you're being considerate. And really you're just slowly disappearing from your own marriage. I had gotten to the point where I'd more or less accepted it. Twenty-nine years. Two grown kids. A mortgage almost paid off. A wife I still loved more than anything but couldn't seem to reach. I figured this was just the part of marriage nobody warns you about. The part where it goes quiet and stays quiet and you make your peace with it. And I'd basically made my peace with it. Until I had a beer with Dave. Dave's my oldest friend. We met freshman year of college in 1986. He was my roommate. He was the best man at my wedding. I was the best man at his. We don't talk about real stuff much. Men our age don't, mostly. We talk about the game and our knees and how our kids never call. But a couple of months ago we were sitting on his back porch having a beer, and his wife Sandra was inside, and I watched her come out and put her hand on the back of his neck while she set down the chips, and he leaned his head back against her arm, and she smiled and went back inside. And it was such a small thing. But it just about knocked the wind out of me. Because I couldn't remember the last time my wife touched the back of my neck like that. I must've had a look on my face, because Dave said, "You okay?" And I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the second beer. Maybe it was just that I'd been carrying it alone for too long. But I said, "Can I ask you something, and you won't make it weird?" He said sure. And I said, "How are you and Sandra? Really. Because that thing she just did, with your neck — Maggie hasn't touched me like that in years. And I don't know what I did." Dave got quiet for a second. Then he set his beer down and he said, "Can I tell you something I've never told you? Sandra and I almost split up about three years ago. Same thing you're describing. Exactly the same thing. And I thought it was over. I thought she'd just stopped loving me." I said, "What happened?" And he told me the thing that I'm now telling you. He said, "I had it completely backwards. I thought Sandra pulled away because she stopped wanting me. Turns out Sandra pulled away because she couldn't feel anything anymore, and she was ashamed of it, and pulling away was how she hid it from me." He said, "It started around the time she went through menopause. The feeling just — went quiet on her. Down there. The blood flow, the nerves, whatever it is, it goes quiet on a lot of women after a certain age. And here's the part that wrecked me when I found out. She still wanted to want me. She just couldn't feel anything when I touched her, and feeling nothing made her feel broken, and feeling broken made her not want to be touched at all. Because every time I reached for her, it reminded her of what she'd lost." He said, "So she'd go still. Or say she was tired. Not because of me. To protect herself from being reminded. And to protect me from feeling rejected. She was doing the exact same thing I was doing — pulling back to spare the other person — and neither of us said a word about it for years. We almost lost everything to a thing neither of us would say out loud." I just sat there. Because he wasn't describing his marriage. He was describing mine. Every single piece of it. I said, "So what changed? How'd you guys come back from it?" And he said, "Sandra found something. And I'm going to tell you about it, and I need you to not be weird about it, because it's the reason I'm still married." He said it's a cream. He said Sandra was skeptical, he was skeptical, the whole thing sounded too simple. But he said the problem was always local — the feeling went quiet in one specific place — so the fix could be local too. You don't have to fix her hormones. She doesn't have to take anything for months. It's something she puts right where the feeling went quiet, and it wakes the feeling back up directly, right there. He said it works in about five minutes. Not five weeks. Five minutes. The first time. I said, "Dave, Maggie's almost sixty. She's way past menopause. Is that not just for younger women?" And he said, "That's the exact thing I thought. And it's backwards. The reason it works when nothing else does is because it's not hormonal. It's not going through her system. It doesn't care that she's past menopause. It doesn't care what medications she's on. It goes right to the spot and wakes up what's already there. Because the feeling isn't gone, man. It just went quiet. It's still there. It's been there the whole time." It just went quiet. It's still there. I think I'd needed to hear that for six years. He told me what it was called. O-Vanilla. He said there's something in it called TriPlex Tingle — she feels a little cooling first, then a tingle, then it builds into the real thing. And it doesn't burn like some of the older stuff. And — he kind of laughed when he said this — it's vanilla flavored, so it's not just for her. Said it more or less brought the whole thing back for both of them. I drove home that night and I sat in the driveway for a while before I went in. Here's the part I want to be honest about, because I think a lot of men get stuck right here. I almost didn't bring it up to her. Because how do you say it? How do you walk up to your wife of 29 years and say, "Hey, I think I figured out why we stopped, and I bought us something"? It feels like a landmine. It feels like you're saying she's broken. It feels like you're making it about sex when she's already pulling away from sex. I sat on it for about two weeks. What finally got me was a Tuesday night. She was doing the dishes and I came up to say something and she tensed up — just for a second, before she even saw what I wanted — and I realized she'd been bracing herself. For me. For her own husband. And I thought about Dave saying we almost lost everything to a thing neither of us would say out loud. So I dried my hands and I said, "Mags. Can we sit down? I want to tell you about a conversation I had with Dave. And I need you to know before I start that I love you and I don't think anything's wrong with you. I think I've had something backwards for a long time." And I told her everything Dave told me. And about halfway through, she started crying. Not sad crying. The kind of crying you do when somebody finally sees the thing you've been hiding. She said, "I thought you'd given up on me. I thought you didn't find me — I thought it was me." And I said, "I thought it was me." We'd spent six years each thinking we were the problem, sitting three feet apart in the same bed. I'm not going to tell you everything about the night we first tried it. That's ours. I'll tell you it works exactly like Dave said. The cooling, then the tingle, then — she actually gasped, and then she laughed, and then she got teary, all in about the space of a minute, because she felt something she told me later she'd assumed was gone forever. I'll tell you that my wife looked at me that night the way she looked at me in 1995. I'll tell you that afterward she put her head on my chest and said, "I didn't think we'd ever get this back," and I couldn't answer her because I was trying not to come apart. And I'll tell you that the next morning, for no reason at all, she walked past me at the coffee maker and put her hand on the back of my neck. The thing Sandra did. The thing I watched on that porch and thought I'd never feel again. We've used it plenty of nights since. That's the part I'd tell any man reading this. It's not a one-time miracle. It's a thing you use on the night you want to feel close to your wife again. And then you do. In about five minutes. Every time. I'm telling you all this because I'm a 58-year-old man who is not in the habit of talking about this, and I'm doing it anyway, because Dave did it for me on a back porch and it gave me my marriage back. So here's me being Dave for a second. If you can't remember the last time your wife reached for you — If she goes still when you reach for her, or heads you off with "I'm tired" before you've even asked — If you've quietly started to wonder whether the marriage is already over and you just haven't admitted it — I need you to hear the thing it took me six years and an old friend to hear. It's probably not that she stopped wanting you. It's that her body went quiet, and she's been hiding it, the same way you've been hiding how much it hurts. You're both protecting each other from the same thing. And it's fixable. Tonight. In about five minutes. Even past menopause. Even on medication. Because it works right on the spot instead of going through her system. Right now they're running a deal, and honestly the bundle is the one to get — you buy 3 creams, you get 2 free, and they throw in the oral gel and a Truth or Dare game on top of it. That's the one Dave told me to get, and he was right — it turns it into something you do together, which is the whole point. There's also a Buy 2, Get 1 Free if you want to start smaller. And here's what made me comfortable spending the money. You get 30 days. She keeps the bottle no matter what. If it doesn't wake anything back up, you email them and they refund you, every penny. No mailing anything back — it's an intimate product, they don't want it back. No phone call. No explaining yourself. So you're not risking anything. Except one quiet night, and a conversation you've probably been putting off as long as I put mine off. Don't wait six years like I did. Get yours for her here. P.S. — If you're a man sitting on this the way I sat on it for two weeks, wondering how you'd even bring it up to her — here's what I learned. You don't lead with the product. You lead with "I love you and I don't think anything's wrong with you, and I think I've had something backwards." You tell her you found out the pulling-away might not be her fault or yours. Nine times out of ten, the relief on her face will tell you she's been waiting just as long as you have for someone to say it. P.P.S. — Dave and Sandra are doing great, for what it's worth. He's the one who told me to write this down and share it, actually. He said he wished some guy had grabbed him by the collar three years ago instead of him almost losing Sandra first. So consider this me grabbing you by the collar. Have the conversation. Get the cream. Don't be the guy who figures it out a year too late. P.P.P.S. — A note on how it actually works, man to man. She uses a tiny amount — pea-sized — right where the feeling went quiet. Cooling first, then the tingle, then it builds. Takes about five minutes. Doesn't burn. And the vanilla flavor means it's not a solo thing — it's a both-of-you thing, which is why I'd point you at the bundle with the oral gel rather than a single bottle. P.P.P.P.S. — On the guarantee, because I know you're doing the same skeptical math I did. 30 days. She keeps the product regardless. If nothing changes, you email and they refund you, no questions. I wouldn't have spent a dime if the downside was losing money on top of everything else. There isn't one. The only thing you're risking is staying exactly where you are. P.P.P.P.P.S. — They make this in small batches and it sells out — Sandra got caught waiting on a restock once, according to Dave. If the link's working when you read this, it's in stock now. If you've read this far, you already know you're not going to stop thinking about it. Get it while it's there. Get yours for her here.

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I can't tell you the last time my wife wanted me.

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