Sarah McDugal - Wilderness to WILD Facebook ad: “The wedding was 23 years ago today, just…”

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1471815368317997

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Facebook, Instagram and Audience Network

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The wedding was 23 years ago today, just 2 days after graduating from university. The weekend before, my mama pulled me aside to cautiously ask, "Honey, are you absolutely sure? Something's just not right... You don't have to go through with this..." "Mom," I replied, "I gave my word already! I promised, and I don't break my promises!" Those words would become my sad, soulful motto for more than a decade. "I don't break MY promises..." As the years passed, ...the harm increased, ...the anxiety and fear intensified, ...until life as I knew it exploded like a grenade. Suddenly I was no longer "the pastor's wife." Then, I was no longer a wife, at all. Everything that had given bones and shape to my core identity - marriage, church, ministry - was gone. Poof! For the first 4 months my kids and I were unhoused, as I tried juggle job-hunting, solo-parenting, trauma recovery, and the daunting quest to rebuild life from the ashes... to find some sense of meaning in all the pain. And there were other horrors too - like the debts I'd never known about, the hidden credit cards taken out in my name, the ongoing discoveries of infidelity after new infidelity. Now... 23 years later? I just wish I could hug this innocent bride with the haunted eyes. Because she had no idea what was coming. I wish I could tell her - that no young woman should ever look so sad and empty on her wedding day. I wish I could tell her - that sometimes it's okay to break a promise... and that keeping a promise should never force her to violate her integrity. I wish I could tell her trusting, undiagnosed-autistic heart - that it is actually possible to be too loyal, that loyalty must be balanced with discernment. I wish I could tell her - that she's going to be okay. That even though life is going to break her, and it's going to hurt like hell, and all her dreams will be shattered for a while... ultimately she's going to rebuild from the ashes into a life that she never imagined. I wish I could tell her - that first she's going to stay for the kids and then later she is going to realize that she absolutely must leave... for the kids. And in the end, the kids will be alright. In fact, they will be more than alright - they will be incredible, vibrant, caring, capable, compassionate humans with hearts as big as oceans, and laughter like waterfalls, and a strong moral compass despite their trauma. I wish I could tell her that God brings joy again. And peacefulness. And He will provide for her needs without fail. I wish I could tell her that it's okay to deeply grieve the fact that she will never spend 60+ years with just one person even though she married at 22... But mostly, I just wish I could hug her. ............. I've created a support group for mamas walking a similar journey. I'll share it in the comments in case you know someone who needs it. ;)

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