Laura Jenkins Facebook ad: “Read this if your child has ADHD”

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365

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Parenting & Kids

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My husband asked me not to post this because his mother is on Facebook. I'm posting it anyway. ⠀ Because three Sundays ago I was standing at her kitchen sink with my hands in the running water, listening to her tell my sister-in-law I'm “soft”. ⠀ Let me back up. ⠀ Sunday dinner at my mother in law's. Leo standing on his chair with the iPad, volume up. I asked him to sit down twice, nicely. Third time I lost it. Full volume. LEO. SIT. DOWN. ⠀ And he turned around, looked right at me, and laughed. ⠀ Not a smirk. A real laugh. Like I'd said something funny. Then he went back to the iPad. Still standing. ⠀ I got up and took the plates to the sink so I'd have something to do with my hands. And from the sink I could hear them. ⠀ "My boys never did this. It's the way she is with him." ⠀ "She yells and he laughs at her, what does she expect." ⠀ "I told Mark before they got married. She's soft." ⠀ Mark didn't say a word. He was looking at his plate. ⠀ I stood there with my hands in the water and didn't turn around. ⠀ And that was the second time that weekend. ⠀ Saturday I was in the toy aisle with Leo flat on his back on the floor, one shoe off, screaming about a dinosaur. I was standing over him with my hands out like I was trying to catch something, not touching him, because touching him makes it worse and every book I've read says don't. ⠀ Two women at the end of the aisle. One of them covered her mouth and said to the other, loud enough that I'd hear it, "some people shouldn't have kids." ⠀ They laughed. I looked at Leo. I looked at them. I looked back at Leo. And I just stood there and let them watch. ⠀ Monday was pickup. ⠀ One of the moms was handing out birthday invitations at the classroom door. Pink envelopes. Every kid got one as they walked out. ⠀ Leo walked out with his hand already out. She smiled at him and handed the next one to the kid behind him. ⠀ He looked at his hand like it did something wrong. ⠀ "Mom why didn't I get one." ⠀ And before I could answer, his teacher stepped out and said, in front of everyone, she did not lower her voice — ⠀ "Can I be honest with you? Why would you watch him suffer like this and not put him on medication? He's the bad kid now. That's the label. He can't keep a friend and you're just letting it happen." ⠀ One of the other moms pulled her daughter a half step closer to her leg. ⠀ I remember that more than anything the teacher said. ⠀ I got Leo in the car, put his headphones on him, and called the doctor with my hand over my mouth so he wouldn't hear me cry. ⠀ Okay so this is the part I actually want to tell you about. ⠀ Because I went in that week ready to be told the same thing. Medicate him. Or be firmer. Or be softer. Or another chart. ⠀ She asked me one question. "What happens when you raise your voice?" ⠀ I said he laughs. ⠀ She said "and everyone tells you that's disrespect." ⠀ And I just broke. Fully. I'm sitting there telling this woman I've done the charts, therapy, fish oil, timers, the gentle parenting thing, I've read every book, and he laughs at me and I feel completely powerless. ⠀ She waited until I was done. She didn't say "it's okay." She just waited. ⠀ Then she said something nobody in three years had said to me. ⠀ Every instruction you give a kid is a stop command. Stop playing. Stop climbing. Come here. Sit down. ⠀ And in some kids the brain's braking signal is weak. He hears you fine. He can't stop. ⠀ And yelling is just a louder stop command aimed at the one thing his brain can't do. It works for a while because it overpowers the brake. Then it doesn't. ⠀ I said "so it's not me." ⠀ She said "It was never you. And the charts, the therapy, the fish oil — none of it was aimed at the brake. Nobody looks at that. They just call it behavior." ⠀ I want to be clear that I'm not a crunchy mom. I don't do essential oils. I wanted to be told what to do. ⠀ I asked her about medication because the teacher had basically demanded it. ⠀ She said it's a real option, and it's also the last one she reaches for with a seven year old, and before that there was something she wanted me to try first. ⠀ Saffron. The actual clinical dose, 30mg, standardized. Not the gummies, she said the gummies don't get anywhere near it. There's a liquid one she points parents to, a small brand called Halla, with magnesium L-threonate in it. One dropper straight in his mouth every morning. ⠀ I said "that's it?" ⠀ She said "that's it. Give it a few weeks. Then come tell me about the laughing." ⠀ I'll be honest, I ordered it in the parking lot and then felt stupid about it. ⠀ First morning. Leo tips his head back with his eyes squeezed shut waiting for it to be gross. It wasn't. He goes "that's so good, it tastes like strawberry, can I have more." Which is the first time in his life he's asked for more of anything I've handed him that wasn't sugar. ⠀ Week one, nothing. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. ⠀ Week two, I asked him to come to the table and he came. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to jinx it, I just stood in the kitchen with my hand on the counter. ⠀ Week three he was still Leo. Still climbing on things. But when I said stop, there was a pause. A half second where you could see it land. ⠀ Week six was the parent teacher conference. ⠀ She's flipping through her folder going "is this the same Leo? He sat through the whole assembly. He's line leader this week, the kids voted." ⠀ I didn't say anything. I let it sit there. ⠀ She couldn't look at me. She said "I said some things at pickup." ⠀ I said "you said he was the bad kid. In front of everyone." ⠀ She said "I did." ⠀ Then she asked me to run the room parent committee. I said I'd think about it. ⠀ On the way out there was a mom in the hallway, coat still on, red behavior folder in her hand, crouched over her son who was face down by the water fountain kicking. Hands out. Not touching him. Saying please under her breath. ⠀ It was me in the toy aisle. Exactly. ⠀ And I got to be the person who walked over and said "don't apologize, that was Leo six weeks ago." ⠀ So I'm going to be that person for whoever needs it tonight. ⠀ If your kid laughs when you yell. If everyone has told you it's disrespect. If you've done the charts and the therapy and the fish oil and you're standing at someone's sink with your ears burning while your family talks about you — ⠀ it's not you. It's a brake that isn't connected. And nothing you were handed was aimed at it. ⠀ And Linda, if you made it this far. He's line leader. The kids voted. ⠀ We'll see you Sunday. ⠀ EDIT: okay I did not expect this to take off, my inbox is a mess lol. I forgot the actual link. It's Halla, Steady Mood Drops. They've got a Buy 2 Get 1 Free on right now and a 60 day guarantee, you send back the empty bottle and they refund the whole thing, which honestly was the only reason I let myself try it. Link down below. ⠀ https://tryhalla.com

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quiz2.tryhalla.com

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