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My surgery is in 19 days and I've been up since midnight making lists again. I do this now. Can't sleep, so I shop. It's like if I buy enough stuff, I can somehow control what happens after they cut my knee open. So far I've got: An ice machine (the fancy one, not the bag of frozen peas my sister told me to use). A walker because my physical therapist said I'd need one for the first two weeks. One of those raised toilet seat things that I'm pretending doesn't bother me. Shower stool, grabber tool, extra pillows, and the leg elevation pillow that everyone in my TKR group says is a must. All from Amazon. I've been on there so much they probably think I'm opening a medical supply store. But here's the thing. None of this stuff helps me RIGHT NOW. Everything in my cart is for after. For when I'm home and swollen and trying not to cry going to the bathroom. I'm buying for a version of myself that doesn't exist yet, and honestly that version of me is the one I'm most scared of becoming. I joined this knee replacement group about six weeks ago thinking it would make me feel better. Thinking I'd hear stories about people who came out the other side and said it was the best decision they ever made. And some people do say that. But there's also the woman whose recovery took 8 months and she still can't bend past 90 degrees. The guy who said the pain after surgery was worse than the bone on bone pain that made him get it in the first place. And that post from someone who said she could HEAR the saw during the procedure even under anesthesia. I haven't slept right since I read that one. My daughter keeps telling me to get off the groups. She says I'm scaring myself. She's probably right but I can't stop because what if somebody posts the one thing I need to know and I miss it? Anyway. Last week I was talking to my friend Carol at physical therapy. Carol had her knee done last October, her second one actually, and she looks amazing. Walking without a limp, wearing normal shoes, back to her water aerobics class. I told her I was terrified and she didn't sugarcoat it. She said the first two weeks are rough. That you'll question whether you made the right call. That some nights you'll just sit there and cry because nothing feels like it's getting better fast enough. And then she said something I didn't expect. "The thing that helped me the most wasn't the ice machine or the pain meds. It was this bamboo knee sleeve my daughter-in-law got me." I must have made a face because she laughed. "I know. I thought it was ridiculous too, but hear me out." She said her daughter-in-law found it online, not on Amazon, some company that just makes bamboo compression stuff. Carol said she started wearing it about a week after her surgery and the swelling went down faster than her first knee when she didn't have it. She wore it to bed every night because the material was so soft it didn't bother her, and by the third week her surgeon actually commented on how well the swelling was controlled. But here's the part that got me. She said she wishes she'd had it BEFORE her surgery too. Her daughter-in-law had started wearing one on her own knee for arthritis and told Carol the gentle compression actually calms things down. Like it quiets the aching and the stiffness enough that you can function better going into surgery instead of being a wreck. Carol calls hers her "knee pajamas" which made me laugh but honestly that's kind of what they are. Soft enough to sleep in, comfortable enough to wear around the house all day. So at midnight on Tuesday I ordered a pair. They came two days ago. I put the first one on my bad knee and I'm not going to lie, I got a little emotional. Everything else I've bought for this surgery is hard or cold or clinical or embarrassing. The raised toilet seat. The walker. The ice machine. All of it screams "something bad is about to happen to you." This was the first thing that actually felt nice. It slid on easy, the bamboo is genuinely soft, and the compression is there but it's gentle. Not like those stiff braces that pinch behind your knee after twenty minutes. I wore it all evening and even wore it to bed. When I woke up the next morning my knee felt calmer than it has in months. Less swollen, and less angry. I know that sounds like a weird thing to say about a knee but that's the only word for it. It just felt less angry. I've been wearing it every day since. My surgery is still in 19 days and I'm still scared. Still reading too many posts and making too many lists and buying too many things. But this sleeve is the one thing on my recovery kit list that I didn't have to wait until after surgery to use. And honestly it's the one thing that's made me feel like maybe I can get through this. It's not going to fix my knee. Hopefully the surgery does that. But for right now, while I'm waiting and terrified and trying to sleep, it's doing more for me than that $300 ice machine sitting in the box in my living room. Carol told me to tell anyone getting surgery to order one before your surgery date. Put it on, and wear it to bed. Give your knee something that actually helps instead of just something that sits in a box waiting for the worst day of your life. They have a 60 day guarantee, which honestly at this point is longer than my recovery timeline. I'll put the link below. They come in a few different colors. I got the black one but I'm already thinking about ordering another because I don't want to go a single night without wearing it. If you're in that pre-surgery panic like I am, just try it. It won't take the fear away, but it might make the waiting a little easier. Just tap the link below if you’re interested.