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4 years of no desire after menopause. Then a specialist told me something none of my previous doctors had - why this particular symptom runs on a different system to the one even HRT targets. Once I understood that, I finally found something that actually worked. And saved my marriage. Tell me if any of my story sounds familiar to you. Because if it does then you need to hear about the one thing which got me desire back (our marriage has never been more passionate)... We were married 25+ years, we'd had a good life together. Kids were now grown up and out the house so we had more private time Things in the bedroom were pretty good until a few years ago, this was when I had atrophy down there pretty bad which led to ‘encounters’ becoming…painful. This was the start of the problems And then it happened…the meno hit me! Suddenly it was like my parts still work, but I no longer had urges? We tried to have a few honest conversations about it and how id do ‘other things’ for him but ultimately i just dont feel it anymore It didn’t matter how hard i tried to explain it wasnt about him, I just no longer had attraction to anyone or anything… I had no desire whatsoever!! But over a few months this became a huge problem because my husband thought intimacy and you-know-what was the number one most important thing in our marriage (excuse me??) It began breaking my heart with every argument because he talked about it as if there’s something I could do to change it, that the reason I don’t is because I don’t care and my feelings are less important than his One night things between us completely broke down when he had a few too much to drink and accused me of seeing someone else lol I remember standing there disgusted with my heart shattered in a million pieces The next day, he confirmed it to me that if I decide that I never want to ‘do it’ again to let him know and he would leave. My gut reaction was to say "Let him leave. You deserve better than that from a partner you've had for 25 years." However, 25 years is a very long time, so i bit my tongue. I stormed out, racing upstairs devastated, slamming the door to cry my heart out. Wtf is wrong with men honestly like 25 years of memories and youd throw it away because you can’t tickle your pickle?? Like how can they think like this when all he has to do is show some patience?... Meanwhile we suffer with insomnia, muscle aches, hot flashes and 2 dozen other symptoms! Men are such whiney wimps Long-story short = we both had one almighty heart to heart where we agreed we’d start taking action to try fix things (i didnt know if my problem downstairs could be fixed but it was worth trying) Went to see the GP - don’t start me. Why do they patronise just patronise?? Or is that just my GP FOUR different OB-GYNs couldn’t help even me. Because I couldn't get HRT, the best recommendations were to get lube which didn't work and left me discouraged. Then a 5th GYN gave me a prescription hormone cream that left me worse off than before.. By now my faith that anyone could do anything to get my desire back was obliterated. And tbh I could tell that my husband firmly had one eye on the door… That’s when by sheer chance my cousin Julie phoned rang me because shed heard the whole thing from my aunt and told me that her ob-GYN was amazing “Julie im not being funny, i cant be bothered wasting my time again…” I told her, sounding entirely deflated But she kept badgering me so I reluctantly booked an apt and thank god I did because it changed my marriage… Thats because they explained how the brain works when we hit menopause in a way that I hadn't come across, like you could tell she really really knew her stuff! Anyway look i’m obv not clever enough to know this off the top of me head so ive copy and pasted from a website she sent me here: “Dopamine Synthesis: Estrogen increased the production of the "motivation molecule" in the hypothalamus and the ventral tegmental area (VTA). Receptor Sensitivity: Estrogen "primed" dopamine receptors (particularly D1-like receptors) in the nucleus accumbens, ensuring that pleasurable stimuli were felt intensely. Breakdown Inhibition: Estrogen slowed down the monoamine oxidase (MAO) enzymes that destroy dopamine. This kept the "pleasure signal" active in the brain for longer windows.” If you cant be bothered reading that fair enough but here’s the summary - If we can't get HRT or if HRT isn't working, then there is still hope. That's because we can focus on the dopamine aspect that happens after oestrogen drops. She explained the mechanism in a way nobody had before — and then I went and looked it up myself. Study after study pointing to the same ingredient researchers had been testing to refuel dopamine levels consistently and get the ‘pleasure signal’ going again... And there was one particular rare natural herb which had ‘active compounds (crocin and safranal) that inhibit the enzymes that destroy dopamine.’ In other words, get the desire going again. That natural herb is saffron and theres more and more evidence showing it bringing back desire in menopausal women. So i got straight to the point - “right, so i can go order some saffron?” But she smiled politely (prob thinking im an idiot) and told me how it needs to be like pharmaceutical standard However she did tell me this one supplement brand she always recommends to women because it comes from trustworthy researchers and has the precise concentration, same one used in all the studies proving saffrons effect I still thought maybe i can go order any old saffron off amazon but she insisted i need to get this one as its got loads of support behind it. Said most retailer supplements are such weak dosage, its a waste of money I was sceptical obviously i mean id tried every supplement in holland and barret by now But she said she hadnt had a patient yet who regreted buying this one So the way she was describing how it helped these other women’s marriages seemed to good to be true but She seemed so confident so i thought oh why not?....its only another 30 quid to add to the thousands spent already lol And thank god i did! It obviously didnt make me magically feel on top of the world again But it did definitely bring me back a noticeable difference I’d say in weeks 1 and 2 i didnt feel too much but then i doubt anything is gonna work its magic in the first fortnight But in week 3 i definitely caught myself feeling slightly more engaged with the people around me including my husband john However it was in the second and third month that we really noticed I seemed to engage more meaningfully and for longer Previously we’d be sitting there on the couch separately, not speaking for 3 hours every evening Now we were cooking dinners together, making each other laugh and And John, he thought hed won the lottery! He had his wife back. We were laughing again. Present with each other again. Whatever came after that — came naturally. Look if the menopause has stolen your desire and any ruining your marriage then pls trust me, all hope is not lost Theres plenty of options out there even if you’re getting no help from your GP Loads of women are going through this honey you are defo not alone. We need to be sharing stories with each other about what works for us imo because the health service in this countrys a joke!! I’ll link an artical to the product that helped me, the one which my cousin julie’s OB-GYN recommend. I swear by it tbh I’ve been using it for months now, Ive even put a couple of the girls on to it and they say its helped them too x