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The first time I had Botox, I was eighteen. It was preparation for a pageant in Europe where I would wear the title of Miss Canada and compete. I had no idea what was being injected into my face. I don’t even think I asked. I just remember someone saying it would balance my eyebrows. I wasn’t aware there was an imbalance until that moment, and that it was preventative. Again, being eighteen, I didn’t even think to ask what the substance being injected into my face was preventing. So I sat in a chair, and a needle went in, and afterwards I felt kinda strange. The word “off” would probably describe it best because I don’t remember anything feeling explicitly wrong, just not right exactly. Just “off”. I felt a quality in my body that I didn’t have language for because I was eighteen and nobody had taught me the difference between “something changed in my face” and “something changed in me.” I think about my younger self often these days, not with pity, but with recognition. She was doing what the system around her required. The modelling agency told her this is what you do. The pageant world said this is what you need. The older women in the room said you’ll thank us later. And she sat in the chair because she had no reason to believe her face was doing anything more important than being looked at. Nobody told her that the muscles being paralysed had jobs beyond creating lines that came with age. Nobody told her that her face was part of how her brain processed emotion, read other people, experienced connection, felt attraction, kept her safe and regulated her own nervous system. Nobody told her because nobody in that room knew. Or if they knew, it wasn’t relevant to what they were selling. Swipe to read more. If this resonates and you are ready to come home to your body, my 14-week INBODY program opens May 2026. Comment INBODY and I will send you the details. www.inbodymethod.com For longer writing on this and everything it touches, I am on Substack. Comment SUBSTACK. For deeper conversations, listen to How To Be In This Body. Comment LISTEN. @inthis.body